GTA IV - A True Blue Review

I play games. I mean a festival of games. As in I have repeatedly ditched a social life all together for video games. The latest installment of Grand Theft Auto IV has kept me that much more isolated with society. You play as Niko Bellic, A rugged war-stained soldier looking to run away from his problems in Europe and make a new life in Liberty City and meet with his cousin Roman living there. Murder, drugs, and disease ridden hookers/girlfriends ensue. With this said, I think Grand Theft Auto IV has taught me what I need to know when I decide to actually come back into contact with the real world. Here are it’s teachings/lessons.

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Things I learned in GTA IV that I will apply in real life.

1. Women WILL put out after you drive them back home drunk. (DUI FOR THE WIN)

I’m not one for dating, but GTA IV makes me actually want to attempt to date a woman. Reason being? All I have to do is meet a woman online, Pick her up, get us both drunk out of our skulls, drive home hitting every pedestrian and car all while evading police. When I finally get her home, It turns into a blurred cycle of heavy drug abuse, and hot jungle sex. GTA IV has a fantastic “drunk system” that makes you struggle to walk and drive. Drunk mode makes you swerve randomly and it is done very well with the motion blurring.

Now you may be saying “Bluefox! You can just as easily take a taxi home and not put peoples virtual lives at risk!” Of course you could take a taxi with your date home, but there is a reason why I take a car. First, I’m no pansy. I can hold my liquor (The game says otherwise). And second, I have WAY more fun attempting to drive normal. An interesting fact is that after the third date, there is a guaranteed “Bang out at the stabbin’ cabin” when you date the woman of your choice. Unless you crash on a motorcycle, or go on a mass killing spree, it’s easy to impress women in Liberty City.

2. Killing is always the answer.

If I don’t like my service at a resturaunt, I have the sole responsibility- NAY! The honor to fill your chest with an assortment of bullet fire, RPG’s and Molotov cocktails. If I want your apartment, I’ll kill you for it. If I want a turismo car in purple, I’ll rip you out of the car,  then drive away. My only “slap on the wrist”? I have to drive 4 city blocks away to keep clear from cops! Death is as common as eating a Cluckin Bell Burger.

3. Everyone can take a bullet to the stomach…

…And be perfectly fine. I saw my cousin take a direct shot into the stomach/organs and be stitched up and walking around 2 hours later. Apparently, there is water/morphine/plasma in that water of Liberty City. I want in first of all. I would shoot myself in the leg for bar bets.

4. It’s ok to have tourette’s syndrome.

I have never heard such language used in any game and ALMOST any movie than GTA IV. At times, I developed a speach swear impediment while at work. (Sorry boss)  Everyone in Liberty City just needs to tone it down a bit and hug it out.

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Bluefox releiving a potential tumor of stress on GTA IV

I’m gonna pause for a minute here about the video game because there is an unsaid subject about this game that I love. I do graphic design for a normal day job and this is a great stress reliever. So why give me concerned looks when I come home and pump 3 inch holes into cops and run over pedestrians? I do this in GTA So I don’t end up snapping and doing it in real life. One thing that frustrates me most over ANYTHING is when people see this in games and freak out because thier kids are exposed to this. For example, in the news I saw Glenn Beck talk about these games turning children into killers, and viewing women as whores.

Glenn says, “…hire a prostitute, have sex with her, then BEAT HER TO DEATH WITH A BASEBALL BAT! When a cop comes after him [your main character], he can either light him on fire, or cut him in half WITH A CHAINSAW!”

I personally find this to be a scandalous LIE! If I could chop a cop in half with a chainsaw, I would give this game that much higher of a rating. But I digress.

The fact is that this game is rated M FOR MATURE 17+!!! And when you give this game to a kid without knowing what contents are in it, you have failed as a parent. Also, If you are 17+ and influenced by this, then once again, your parents have failed you. This game is meant for an adult. There is no question about that. It is our role as a parent or guardian to make sure your kids aren’t influenced by this game in or out of the house. And as an adult you must realize what GTA IV is about. A video game.

Grand Theft Auto IV is fantastic through game play, and story. Some missions require you to shoot, steer, and drive simultaneously which is quite tough unless you have a third finger. Graphics aren’t pushing the limit of eye candy, but with the amount of content and landscape, I don’t hold it against them…. much.

 

Shoot me an email with any comments/questions over at bluefox@theleetgeeks.com